Uncool

It's cool to say you were uncool as a teen, and I've made the brag often. But during a double Bat Mitzvah this month, I saw what it really would have meant to be genuinely uncool.

A double Bat Mitzvah is when two kids from two different schools share a worship service instead of starring in their own. I like to watch the under-15-year-old guests come in, scope the Shabbat morning scene and march over to their rightful social place. It's like watching ants follow a food trail that they like-- there's no way that they're going to veer off in any direction other than the one carefully laid out for them.

Enter Mr. Uncool. He didn't even look around the sanctuary. Just marched straight over to an empty row far away from the other kids and sat down. I've seen kids sit alone before, but never at a Double when there were so many social options to choose from. He wasn't fat. He wasn't terribly ugly. But he had puffy hair, a loud purple plaid shirt, no suit jacket, and (gasp) a prayer book. Standard social rule is that if you're a kid at a Bat Mitzvah, you don't even TAKE a prayer book unless some funny lady in a suit (that's me) forces one into your hand.

That's what struck me-- that the biggest nerd in Temple on a Saturday morning was the one who didn't mind praying. He belted out the Hebrew with confidence. He bowed when you're supposed to and walked over to kiss the Torah when it came down the aisle. He seemed oblivious that there was a whole social pecking order sitting at his back, judging.

Maybe his obliviousness is what locked him into isolation in the first place. To participate in the social structure of any organization, you have to be aware that it exists. His ignorance kind of broke my heart.

Or maybe he just liked to pray. Maybe he was praying for the day when he would be an adult, on J-date for the first time, and he would meet a girl and she would say, "boy, was I uncool as a teen."

"I doubt you were as dorky as me," he'd say back. "Do you know that when I was 13 I actually prayed at synagogue?"

And then they would both laugh and nod knowingly. Because when you're a grown up, nothing is more cool than being uncool. It's a recipe for Happily Ever After. And one day, I'll have an actual recipe posted in this here "food" blog.