Shrimpocide

What to take away from this contest: Don’t nominate one of your bridesmaids for a $10,000 competition if the competition takes place the weekend of your wedding.

The Assignment: Write a short description (100-250 words), highlighting (1) why you or a person you are nominating is America’s biggest Old Bay fan, (2) the nominee’s favorite or most unusual uses for Old Bay, (3) why the nominee loves seafood and (4) why the nominee should be selected to compete in the Old Bay Peel & Eat Shrimp Classic, a national contest. Descriptions should colorfully and persuasively explain each point.

Prize: $10,000 (To be split between The Chicken & Kooky in event of a win)

The Entry: Kooky K doesn’t eat meat, so seafood is how she gets her protein and Old Bay is how she makes even the soggiest cafeteria flounder taste like haut cuisine. She is America’s biggest Old Bay fan and when I first met her, she kept an Old Bay box or seasoning packet in her backpack at all times. I used to make fun of what I called her traveling kitchen, but soon I grew to appreciate it.

With a mind as original as the spices in Old Bay Seasoning blends, Kooky used Old Bay to dress up all her meals. In college, when we ate in the student cafeteria, she swirled Old Bay seasoning into bowls of mayonnaise and used them as her personal dipping sauce bar. She melted butter in the microwave and mixed it with Old Bay Classics and seafood for impromptu pasta sauces.

Kooky loves seafood because it comes in so many different textures, colors and shapes, and she loves Old Bay because it’s the only seasoning mixture that complements them all. She should be selected to compete in the Old Bay Peel & Eat Shrimp Classic because the last two Old Bay winners have been middle aged men and she can out eat any of them. She is a marathon runner and has a highly tuned appreciation for competition. There is no faster shrimp shucker and no more dedicated Old Bay lover in the whole North East than Kooky K.